Warblers are that surprise that you don’t expect. They’re that little glimpse of joy in the underbrush, or the forest canopy, they often find us when the light is filtered through leaves, trees, things that can be beautiful in their own right, but block the light. Warblers remind me that there is also something to smile about, something to chase after, to keep moving for, even if it’s something very small. Small doesn’t mean it’s not important, it just means you have to pay attention, and be willing to notice things that most people never see at all. Whatever is happening in your life I hope you find your warbler to bring a smile to your face, to make you remember a happy memory, or just to be reminded that even in the killing heat there is still song and a bird no bigger than my three fingers put together singing joyfully, courageously, who doesn’t know that there is such a thing as hopelessness.~ Laurell K. Hamilton
this reminds me of something my counselor wanted me to try to do. look ahead to things, whether they are small, or large, there is always something to look forward to in life. recently, ive been feeling the medium i have been feeling for a while. its been a while since ive had a down day. the last down day that i had was a weekend that i kept remembering those slowly fading, but still vivid memories of andrew. it made me miss him, and hate him for him having a family and having a happy life. we drove by greensburg on the way to tennessee. i was hoping that my dad didnt stop there. and he didnt. he kept going. it was mentioned later about my facebook status that mentioned him stopping there. he said i thought you would be over this. i didnt have an easy, explainable reason. i'm over it, yet something like that, where i havent been to in almost five years, that he was the only person that i experienced greensburg with and its just a painful memory of his current happiness and my floundering back and forth between hating myself and being ok with myself.
why cant i just do shock treatment, and get rid of just andrew. thats the only thing that i have heard of that deletes memories, but the only thing. it deletes all memories. not just the ones i hate. so much for that idea.
